Methylene Blue
by Mana-Garmr
Summary: Reno goes on an April Fools rampage. A little bit of language, a little hint of yaoi, a lot of great pranks I wish I'd known about when I was younger :p Three parts total, will have the next two typed and posted soon. Enjoy!
1. Ch 1 Morning

**Warnings: **Reno being devious, and a bit of language as a result.

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April Fools

* * *

_Morning_

The clock on the nightstand read 5:47 when Reno heard the shower turn on in the bathroom. It still read 5:47 when he heard a serious of spluttering curses erupt. He smirked into his pillow, picturing the look on Rude's face when he discovered that the adjustable shower head was pointed at his face instead of into the bathtub. Today was going to be a good day.

* * *

Across town, another clock read 7:50 when its owner hit the snooze button for a second time, rubbing his eyes wearily before deciding to just shut the alarm off and get up. Tseng usually didn't mind having to get up at 5:45 on Mondays, but he'd had a late night last night and… his eyes widened when he reached over to turn the alarm switch off. He was _so_ screwed; most of the Turks wouldn't say anything, but Reno would _never_ let him hear the end of it for showing up two hours late. He sprang out of bed, bolting for the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Behind him, Vincent sat up in bed, the sheets sliding down to pool at his waist. He stared blankly at the clock for a few moments, before grabbing his cell phone off of the other nightstand. He sighed, debated telling his lover that he'd been duped, and then changed his mind. Maybe if he let Reno get away with it, the redhead would leave him alone for the day. Sighing again, he slipped out of bed and wandered over to the dresser.

* * *

Tseng wasn't the only one having troubles with his alarm clock that morning. Lazard watched in sleepy confusion as Genesis tore the room apart, snarling profanities and crushing alarm clocks as he found them. He debated asking Genesis why they had over a dozen alarm clocks stashed around their room, but he decided that it might not be beneficial for his health to do so at this time. Checking his watch, he shrugged and left his lover to his rampage, heading for the shower.

* * *

Rufus glared at his toothbrush, lips curled back in a half snarl that made him look almost rabid with the toothpaste foaming out of him mouth. What the _fuck_ was that Gods-awful taste? Shaking his head in irritation, he spit the toothpaste out for a fourth time, threw it and his toothbrush away, and reached for the mouthwash. It also had an odd taste to it, but he grimaced and swished away. It still tasted mostly minty, and it was better than trying to brush with that horrific toothpaste. When he caught a glimpse of blue teeth in the mirror after spitting it out, he froze, alarmed at first and then suspicious. Pressing his lips firmly closed to avoid seeing the blue staining the inside of his mouth, he stalked back to his bedroom, snatching his phone off of his nightstand to check the date. He had to resist hurling the phone at the wall when he saw what day it was; he was going to _kill_ Reno.

* * *

Sephiroth frowned at his shampoo bottle in frustration, too tired to understand why he couldn't get the shampoo to come out. He turned it upside down again, shaking it furiously in the hopes that something would magically change this time and he would get some shampoo out of the bottle. Growling in annoyance, he threw it against the wall, blinking in surprise when shampoo exploded out of the bottle and splattered everywhere. Wiping a glob out of his eye, he scowled at the floor of the shower, watching a small piece of plastic wrap get washed towards the drain. His shampoo did _not_ come with _plastic wrap_ over the opening; it wasn't even a new bottle! He wiped shampoo off of the wall and began to lather up his hair, contemplating the issue.

There was really only one explanation for how his shampoo bottle had magically grown a plastic wrap cover since yesterday morning: _Reno._

* * *

Zack hummed to himself, tossing his shirt on the bed and reaching for his deodorant. It was Monday, which kind of sucked since that meant that the weekend was over, but he was supposed to train with Cloud today, which was always fun. On top of that, Angeal had promised to take him out for Wutaiian food for dinner; _hopefully_ that meant that the older man would also be inviting him back to his apartment afterwards, which Zack was especially looking forward to. Angeal had been away on missions a lot lately, so they hadn't been able to spend a night together for a while.

Smiling in anticipation, Zack had already put deodorant under both arms before he noticed the smell. He used Axe deodorant, had used the same deodorant for many years, and he was very familiar with how it was supposed to smell; this was _not_ right. Baffled, he quickly sniffed under one arm, lip curling up in disgust and confusion as he drew back. Then he smelled the deodorant stick, completely confused. Was that _cream cheese_? Frowning suspiciously at the stick, he stuck a finger in. Yep, that was _definitely_ cream cheese. Sighing, he began scooping it out, hoping that there was some actual deodorant still in there. He wasn't exactly sure _why_ Reno would have done this to him, but he really couldn't think of anyone else who could be responsible.

This day might be longer than he'd anticipated.

* * *

Reeve stared at his car in consternation. There was graffiti _all over_ it! Most of it appeared to be random nonsense ("Jimmy Rulez!" ? Who in the world was _Jimmy_?), but… was that a _penis_ across the hood? He groaned, burying his face in his hands. He could _not_ take the bus or train today; he was already running late! He was going to have to drive the monstrosity to work.

He was confused when he opened the door and heard the crinkle of plastic wrap; then he was elated when he realized that the car was covered in it and that the graffiti was on _top_ of the plastic. He decided that he could afford to be late to work in order to peel the graffiti off of his car.

He finally climbed into the driver's seat, beaming, and almost missed the note on the seat next to him.

"_April Fools! –Love, Reno"_ He groaned in despair. April Fools? And _Reno_ was pulling pranks? Today was going to be an absolutely horrific day.

**

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A/N:

This is going to be a 3-part nonsense piece, based on Reno's April Fools exploits. Expect the next piece shortly!

I really wish I'd known about some of these jokes back when I lived at home with my dad and siblings…

Salt, and then Methylene Blue, in case you're wondering about Rufus' toothpaste and mouthwash.


	2. Ch 2 Work

_Work_

* * *

Tseng stalked down the hall, refusing to look at Vincent. How had the enhanced Turk _not_ heard Reno sneak into their apartment and change the time on the alarm clock? Even more importantly, why in the _world_ didn't he _say_ anything? Tseng had driven like a madman, not wanting to be even one second later than he already was, and hadn't even _glanced_ at the clock on the dashboard until he was almost at the ShinRa building. He'd slammed on the brakes so fast that Vincent probably would have gone through the windshield if the silent Turk hadn't wisely buckled his seatbelt at the beginning of the ride.

Tseng hadn't even said anything, just glared at Vincent with all of the hate and rage he could possibly muster. Vincent hadn't said anything either, staring back for a moment before turning and looking innocently out the window, raising a hand to his chin as though he was resting his chin on it; Tseng was well aware that he was really just trying to hide his smirk. He'd made the rest of the drive at a slower pace, and hadn't spoken to Vincent since.

Now that they were at work, Tseng simply wanted to get to his office as quickly as possible and lock the door. He did _not_ want that damned brat of a redhead causing him any more trouble this day. Why the hell did April Fools have to fall on a Monday, anyway? Vincent barely managed to slip inside the office after him before the door was slammed and locked.

Tseng stalked around to the other side of his desk and stopped dead, staring at the space where his chair should be. Vincent winced, deciding that he should have stayed outside after all. Instead of Tseng's usual leather desk chair, there was a park bench sitting behind his desk.

* * *

Reeve wandered through the hallways, growing more and more depressed the closer and closer he got to his office. People throughout the executive floors were cursing and screeching about their office chairs disappearing and being replaced with park benches. He wasn't sure how Reno would have managed to pull off such a feat, but he knew that if everyone else had a park bench, he would too. Gaia only knew where their chairs were, but Reeve knew better than to expect his to reappear any time soon; Reno simply didn't like him that much. It was going to be a long, miserable day of paperwork now that he had to sit on a metal bench all day.

He hesitated when he reached his office door, not wanting to have to face the reality of his missing chair. Shuffling his feet a little, he sighed, gritted his teeth, and reached for the handle. Nothing could have prepared him for the scene that followed. His office… was full of chairs. There were office chairs stuffed into every corner, stacked on top of each other, and filling every space from wall to wall, floor to ceiling. He couldn't even see his desk.

He closed his door slowly, wondering if maybe he should open it a second time and see if the chairs were still there. He decided against it, worried that they'd fall out on him, and then he turned and headed for Tseng's office. He'd tell the head Turk where to find his chair, and then he would go home. There just wasn't any point to remaining in the office today.

* * *

Rude walked towards the breakroom, ignoring the chaos in the hallway. Someone was shouting for help from the bathroom – apparently the doorknobs had all been reversed, so that they automatically locked from the _outside_ instead of the _inside_ – but he ignored that too. The best way to survive this day, he reasoned, was to simply ignore it all. He'd be happier that way.

He started to make a beeline for the coffee maker, but spotted a box of donuts next to the water cooler and changed his mind. Reno used to steal Heidegger's donuts all the time; now that the man was no longer with the company, he stole Rufus' secretary's donuts instead. Although his principle was to ignore the day's happenings, there was no real harm in benefiting from the spoils of war. He grabbed a chocolate glazed donut and relaxed against the counter, taking a bite. A splash of color caught his eye, and he turned his head to stare at the water jug. A bright yellow rubber ducky was floating inside of the jug. He chewed slowly, contemplating how Reno could possibly have fit the duck inside; then he decided it was better not even asking. Shrugging to himself, he turned back to his donut, contemplating the unusual flavor instead. It certainly didn't taste like a chocolate donut was supposed to taste like…

"…_my toothpaste, and he put __**dye**__ in my __**mouthwash**__! Do you see my __**mouth**__, Tseng? It's blue! __**Blue!**__ If you don't rein in that damned __**menace**__, I'm going to…"_

Ah, that was it. The donut tasted like methylene blue. Rude finished it, no longer wondering why all of the donuts were a dark color, and decided to go ahead and eat another one. Despite the terrible taste that the chemical had, the donuts didn't actually taste all that bad. If he was going to have a blue mouth for the next couple of days, he may as well make it worth it.

* * *

Elena walked up to her shared office with trepidation, coming to a slow halt next to Cissnei. The copper-headed Turk was standing in front of the open office door, staring dumbly at the interior. Elena had heard about the park benches by now, but she didn't think that the chair swap would put that expression on Cissnei's face, so she was very hesitant to look inside. When she finally worked up the courage to do so, she was dumbfounded by what she saw.

The entire office was wrapped in tin foil. The walls, the floor, the ceiling… covered. The desks looked like they were _made_ of tin foil. So did the park benches that were taking the places of their usual chairs. Even their computers, their desk phones, hell, even their _pencils_ were wrapped in the stuff. How did Reno even have the time to _do_ all of this?

The two women stared at their office for a while, mesmerized by the sight. Then Rufus started screaming at Tseng about his mouthwash, and they decided that they may as well make the best of it. Walking inside, they took their seats on their respective benches, foil crackling loudly underneath them. Sighing almost in unison, they began to unwrap their computers and phones. It was going to be a very, _very_ long day.

* * *

Sephiroth stalked towards his office, the tell-tale glow of his eyes warning everyone to stay out of his way. He was still angry about Reno messing with his shampoo bottle, and hearing about the desk chair debacle had only served to fuel the fire. If that little monster had messed with _his_ chair, there was going to be hell to pay. He stopped in front of his door, threw it open, and walked through. He tried to walk through, at any rate. In reality, he stepped forward, hit an invisible wall, and bounced back. What. The. _Fuck_. Everyone who was currently in the hall saw him, and sniggered. He scowled, casting a dark glare in his secretary's direction, and reached towards the entranceway. Plastic wrap. His doorway was blocked by plastic wrap. He took a deep breath and counted to ten. Twice. Then he ripped the plastic wrap away, stormed into his office, and sat down, not even bothering to shut his door. He immediately wished that he had when a loud farting noise ripped through the office, immediately silencing all noise in the hallway.

Sephiroth buried his face in his hands, defeated. He couldn't _believe_ he'd fallen for the whoopee-cushion trick. Fortunately for him, Reno's pranks were far from done, and everyone on the Soldier floor was immediately distracted by a commotion from Zack's office.

* * *

Zack had snuck into the building through a back door, sprinting up the stairs to the Soldier floor to avoid running into trouble on the elevator. He had been forced to stop at the store on the way to work to get deodorant, since Reno's cream cheese trick had completely destroyed his, and he wanted to avoid more pranks at all costs. He could deal with sitting on a park bench all morning – he'd be free of it when he went to train with Cloud in the afternoon anyway – and he was undeterred by the loud curses from people whose pens were super-glued shut; he just had to survive until lunch.

Sitting down at his desk – which he was pleased to see was his actual chair – Zack switched on his computer. Reno usually did an email prank at the expense of one of the higher-up executives, and Zack figured that if he was going to be terrorized by the holiday then at least he could gain some amusement at another's expense. He clicked open the internet and waited for his homepage to load, spinning around in his chair while he waited.

"HEY EVERYBODY, I'M LOOKING AT GAY PORNO!"

Zack whipped around, almost falling out of his chair in his haste to get back to his computer. Porn sites were popping up all over his screen, flying around the screen too fast for him to click the close button. Meanwhile, the voice kept screaming out that he was looking at gay porn. Panicking, he didn't even think to simply unplug his speakers. By the time the computer disaster progressed to loud sexual screams and a gay porn video blaring on his screen, he had a gathering at his door, laughing at his misfortune. Even Genesis was there, happy that it was Zack and not him. Eventually Zack gave up, staring miserably at the floor. Worst. Day. _Ever_. The scent of Old Spice filled his nostrils, and an arm reached past him to unplug his computer, immediately halting the cacophony. Zack looked up, staring at a smirking Angeal.

"I don't think he knows I'm back from my latest mission yet; he hasn't gotten _me_ yet."

* * *

Zack wasn't the only one having computer troubles. Tseng's monitor wasn't displaying anything. It was _on_, so he was reasonably certain that this was another prank of Reno's, but none of the wires were unplugged or swapped around, so he assumed that Reno had taken it apart and changed things around internally. When Tseng went to pull a set of lockpicks – which could serve as a small tool kit also – out of his drawer, he discovered that Reno had somehow turned all of his desk drawers upside down. Everything immediately fell out, scattering all over his floor. He glared at the mess for a moment, a muscle twitching in his jaw.

If any of the other Turks were surprised or disturbed when Tseng threw his computer monitor down the hall, none of them said anything.

* * *

The computer pranks continued. When Rufus couldn't get his to turn on, he was relieved to see that it was simply because his power strip wasn't turned on. He didn't even think twice before he reached out to flip the switch.

"IT'S RAINING MEN! HALLELUJAH! – IT'S RAINING MEN! AMEN!

I'M GONNA GO OUT TO RUN AND LET MYSELF GET

ABSOLUTELY SOAKING WET!

IT'S RAINING MEN! HELLALUJAH!

IT'S RAINING…"

Rufus closed his eyes as soon as his CD player started blaring out music, pinching the bridge of his nose. He should have known better.

* * *

Lazard cursed, rereading the funding request that he had just typed up. What the hell _happened_? Gritting his teeth, he started over, scowling at the screen instead of watching the keyboard like he usually did.

'_Due to the need…'_ Why in the _world_ did the word 'the' just change to say 'queerbait?' He tried again for nearly ten minutes before he confirmed that yes, Reno had set his autocorrect to replace 'the' with 'queerbait,' and 'and' with 'eggplant.' He sighed, massaging his temples. He should have just stayed home after the alarm clock episode.

* * *

Tseng's car was missing. The hellish day, full of pencils that wouldn't write and confetti bombs and a rather horrific array of gay porn pranks, was _finally_ over, and he couldn't find his fucking _car_. He wanted to cry. He wandered the parking lot for over half an hour, pressing his alarm button and searching in vain, before he finally gave in and called OnStar. After the operator told him that he was in the general vicinity of the car, he finally convinced them to remotely activate his flashers and car alarm.

The ShinRa parking garage had an unusual construction. The top and ground-level decks spanned the entire width of the deck, but the other levels had a concrete wall dividing them in half. Tseng could never figure out _why_ it was built that way, but it was a damned nuisance. Especially since his car was on the other side of the divider. _Especially_ since he knew for a _fact_ that he'd parked it on this half, since it was the side closer to the main entrance. Sighing, he hung up his phone and made his way to the top deck so that he could cross over to the other side.

Reno was waiting with a smirk when he got there.

"Reno, I sincerely hope you're done for the day."

The redhead laughed. "Yeah, don't worry boss. Hey, you've got something on your shirt right there…" He pointed to a spot just above the top of Tseng's jacket zipper, grinning when Tseng immediately looked down. "Boop!" He swiped his finger up, catching Tseng on the tip of the nose. "Got ya!" He chuckled and wandered away. Tseng shook his head, smiling in spite of himself. Thank Gaia it was over.

**

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A/N:

Oh Tseng, it's not over _yet_.

Zackhatesreno (dot) on (dot) nimp (dot) org for the gay porno website, but you probably don't want to actually go there. If you do just for the shock value, and your antivirus doesn't just block it, just turn off your computer, and you should be just fine. And run a virus scan after you turn it back on, of course (I don't know if nimp is one of the sites that gives you a Trojan with it or not, some do and some don't :p)

Reno turned the brightness all the way up and the contrast all the way down on Tseng's computer. Genius!

Just one part left now :)

**Soyna** – Oh man, llamas. I haven't gotten any on dA yet :( Ah well, thanks for the review! Just one very short piece left ;)


	3. Ch 3 Night

_Night_

* * *

Rude congratulated himself on a successful day of avoiding Reno's pranks. Sure, he'd started off the day with a blast of water straight to his face, and his mouth would be dyed blue for a few days, but being Reno's partner meant he'd avoided having to sit on a park bench all day and hadn't had to deal with tin foil or plastic wrap or gay porn. He'd even avoided the phone pranks, unlike poor Elena; she'd actually called the Midgar Zoo asking to speak with Mr. Lyon. Hell, he hadn't even gotten locked in the bathroom, which was a miracle since he usually had to go as soon as he got to the office – a side effect of chugging Starbucks on the way to work. All in all, it had been a pretty good day.

"Hey babe, you coming to bed?" Rude chuckled. Of course, Reno spent a day tormenting _everybody_, and now he wanted to play. Typical.

"Yeah, I'm coming."

Reno was standing in the doorway to the bathroom swishing mouthwash when he got there. His eyes were sparkling merrily, and Rude rolled his eyes and climbed into bed. At least, he tried to… but his feet got stuck halfway. He struggled for a few minutes, cursing softly to himself and trying to push his feet further down into the bed, before he registered the sound of Reno laughing and choking on his mouthwash. He stopped immediately, turning to glare at his partner's back while Reno spit the mouthwash into the sink, still sputtering laughter.

"You little bastard… I can't _believe_ you short-sheeted me!"

**

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A/N:

Okay, okay, it's ridiculously short, but eh. I couldn't help myself, and I didn't want it to be included in the work chapter. I love Reno so much :p

And, uh, llama. Check this out! http:// www. albinoblacksheep. com/ flash/ llama

**Soyna – **hehe, no kidding. I think they might just put _everyone_ on a forced vacation from now on :p I just discovered most of these jokes courtesy of the internet today, so now I have to save them for next year lol. Thanks for the llama!


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